February interlude
February interlude
What happens when you get what you want
Chantal Ackerman, 1975
Close your eyes. Watch the eyelids soften as the tongue slides to the soft palette. First it’s
SOFT
then it’s
Soft
and in the end it lands
soft.
Land in the body softly. Nothing is harsh, everything comes easily, like water through the stream. There is nothing to fear or hide. By connecting the tip of the tongue to the center of the palette a conversation is cultivated and currency created. The middle allows for a vibration of current, like when you throw a pebble in a pool.
Imagine the body as a piece of artwork. Your silhouette, the pattern, texture, and colors that radiate from within you outwards. Then locate your breathing, harness a piece of attention here, and regulate it so that it acts as a barometer. The longer you hold your breath, the more heat you will build. If you don’t let it out, it will stay inside of you, and you will naturally combust.
JUNE 2020
When you are well tuned to what’s outside of you as well as what’s inside, you radiate from the center out into the circumference - the vibratory pace of the universe doesn’t confuse you. It reverberates.
Awe is inevitable.
HOME NOV 2023
Awe can easily be defined as a feeling of reverential respect mixed with fear or wonder. Love is at the center of the epicenter. At this juncture in time, collective love, pleasure and connection surrounds me. As does depth and transformation. Intense attractions/obsessions are my signature. Creation of potent, powerful and transformative energy is my North Star. There is a magnetism towards what is outside of us versus what isn’t seen to the naked eye. If you find yourself falling in love with 8 people a day, crying at the MET, refusing to clean your house or meditate without the space being JUST RIGHT then you know what I’m saying. The tenderizing of relationship dynamics can often get skewed. It’s all apart of the game.
The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. It is room 5 - the center of your circumference, the vibration that radiates in every direction, the third hand which mediates and modulates. It is the ping of joy. In relation to my surroundings I am either turned all the way off or I’m Nascar. And so, I have to continue to locate the middle, time and time again. My current climate is asking me to go deep in order to retrieve old pieces of myself from past relationship dynamics. Old situations are reappearing with new players.
Right now, in this moment, I am deeply indebted and steeped in my personal practices. The more subterranean - the better I feel. I am committed to the connections that honor my strengths. The scariest thing is fostering new connections. There are less personal things that I want to select in sharing. They are sacred. In the middle lies selection. The closer I get to my desires, moving towards them becomes delightful and there is less fear. For a long time I felt torn between very different parts of myself. I’ve realized that these aspects can not only coexist but even be synergistic. I reference my feelings with my measure.
Something my teacher suggests is not to think of your asana practice as your life, but rather just as house keeping. She says, ‘If you’re cleaning your house seven hours a day, then that’s an issue. If you think what’s going to make your life healthy and happy is cleaning your house, that’s also an issue. But! If you don’t know how to clean your house, then that’s the main issue.’
Time and nature as our greatest teacher. This how I self soothe and seduce myself.