Doing less
In Katonah Yoga, we talk a lot about how even the most mundane practices can be mystical. Nevine emailed me the other day to tell me that she finished a book I had gotten her for Christmas, about Sun RA Arkestra. Written by a man and very much not in the wheel haus of our matriarch. She agreed that all of us are spiritual, or at least searching for magical experiences. The word spirituality has developed and expanded over time, through esoteric and religious practices, and so one being’s idea of a spiritual practice will naturally differ from anothers. Lately my spiritual practices include but are not limited to: long dog walks at sunrise & sunset, making meals at home, and washing my face at night. I’ve always been resistant to being a homebody and so of course, a ~home~practice~ is one piece of the puzzle that I still have yet to perfect. I have to work to sustain, but I want my to make my inner life larger so that life outside of me can continue to flourish. Until I solidify a consistent home practice, I am afraid that whatever I create will either not be taken seriously, or just never come to fruition. So in becoming increasingly aware of old patterns and habits that are contradicting and keeping me stuck, some lightbulbs have gone ding. Smoking weed and falling asleep on the couch is very 2013. Added to this list is also caring, not caring, gossiping, and doing too much. (Notice I didn’t say doing the most - that’s allowed). We have to sort of trick ourselves into developing routines (which are personal) and sticking to them (which is practical) by staying inspired through connection, i.e. the universe.
The political is personal. The personal is practical. The practical is related to embodied daily life: it is reflected in how you carry out your life and acts. Many of us go about our lives in a disembodied/dissociated way, feeling that our bodies are somehow split from our minds. We exist at different locations on a spectrum of of dissociated/disembodied to embodied/integrated.
RADICAL ACTS OF EMBODIMENT, DAGES JUVELIER KEATES
Last week I visited Lin at Grand Nature (if you know you know) as I have been noticing some old issues in my body flaring up. When I was diagnosed with Junior Rheumatoid Arthritis as a child I remember waking up screaming in agony over charley horses that were originally deemed as growing pains. I spent the month of October 2001 in the hospital with tubes attached to me as autoimmune reactions piggybacked off of one another in tandem. In my seven year old reality, my body was fighting me. In my twenty nine year old reality, I understand that my body was responding to a slew of circumstances and conditions within my immediate environment that were just out of my control. Whether it’s shedding skin or developing new hairs, the body is constantly in flux. Most people subscribe to the idea that our cells replace themselves every seven to ten years - while this is the average age of all cells in the human body, cell renewal happens at different rates. The exception are the neurons in the cerebral cortex, which stay with us from birth to death. The most recurring cell changes occur within the skin, bones, liver, stomach, and intestines.
As soon as Lin stuck a needle in my piriformis I was convinced in that moment that I was going to die. Are you there, God? The shock sent a jolt through my body and my knee jerked. Lin reminded me to breathe deeply and suddenly the sensation turned into euphoria. He placed needles all along my psoas channel and a few in my shoulder. I laid there for 45 minutes thinking about the charley horses all along my left-side body in second grade. Then I flipped over and he continued to massage and probe. More needles, another 45 minutes. After, I suggested that I get some bodywork done. I was really going for it. Lin told me to go home and be warm. That was my only homework for the week. Be warm, eat well, and stop moving. I’m a triple air sign - it doesn’t make sense! The last thing he told me was to stop waiting for small things to become huge issues… and of course throughout the week I continued to teach and found myself in agonizing pain.
My best friend Bri was visiting from Arizona and I only had one day to be with her - she came to my class, we sat for breakfast and enjoyed a beautiful day at MOMA. Bri and I met on our very first day in college - I remember it vividly. We both showed up to a study group for our visual arts class, went for coffee, and the rest was history. We have spent years by each others side through different cities, illness, heartbreak, and sheer joy. I am so lucky to know her. Triple fire and triple air is a recipe for a good time. When Bri decided to move across the country a few years ago I felt personally attacked but in the end I sense deep appreciation for the fact that implicitly we are always together. Our day was ideal and very reminiscent of a past pulse. It was like we teleported to ten years prior, us against the world, feeding off of the museum history and artistic vulnerability, inspired to share with one another our dreams and hopes for the future. As the day progressed though, I became incredibly congested, fever-ish, and basically incoherent. Hello winter sinus infection, we meet again. We decided to leave the city by sunset so that we could make it home, order takeout, and watch Sex And The City on my couch. We are just girls!
In the end our night came to a close (her night, she left, I wrestled with my infrared met and terrible insomnia) and we pulled our classic - see you later and text me right now. The next day I taught online for Katonah Yoga Center with my teacher and friend, Josie Schweitzer who is really just a powerhouse freak of nature. We’ve never taught together but she has always supported me (even when I was scared of her) and to my surprise immediately agreed to participating. I really couldn’t bail, it’s a party - I mean educational series - that has been planned for some time now. This day began with my landlord drilling a new fence into my building. I had originally asked a friend and neighbor if I could teach from his gorgeous loft-style apartment as his dog is older and not as chatty as my own child who likes to make herself known in my zoom rooms. I wanted to appear as calm, cool, and collected as I possibly could for this particular audience. To save myself the embarrassment of dealing with a rambunctious dog I decided think fast and shape shift for the sake of virtual yoga - so I taught from his quiet sanctuary and was able to fully immerse myself in everyone who had joined and wanted to learn from and with us without having to worry about my external circumstance.
Josie trains jiu jitsu outside of having a steady and dedicated yoga practice. She is also the OG Of newsletters so shout out Josie. Take her training this weekend at Sky Ting if you can, we are lucky to have her. At the beginning of the week when she called me to ask what we should teach, I really didn’t have a clear answer. A lot of citta. So she asked me, ‘what is inspiring you right now?’ I started to tell her about my mom and all of my current dramas. Really, in that moment felt like that was my truth. My own joy and suffering as inspiration to help others. During our class she made a joke in reference to herself. “How do you know if someone trains jiu-jitsu? … they tell you!”
As the week came to an end I still felt like garbage - but this is me you’re talking to - the show must go on. On my morning walk, I always pass a house on my block where an older Indian woman sits on her steps as the sun rises, blind folded (not joking) practicing breathwork and meditation. I am always tempted to document her because there have been times where her dedication has brought me to tears. This has become a part of my routine, just watching her. Even Stevie is into it at this point. We have never spoken but I know that we share a common thread. This particular morning she had her shirt rolled up with her belly exposed and I noticed that she was hitting the Kapalabhati portion of her regime. I thought about how easy it would be to capture this moment as well as how much better it was that I was just there lucky enough to be a witness. No one’s business really. As I walked home to teach my normal Saturday morning zoom, the marathon of classes I taught through the holidays came to mind. Packed rooms (definitely documented) of humans having a personal experience.
With the expectation that since I had been out with Stevie for an hour we would have a peaceful and uninterrupted practice, I situated myself in my space and prepared to teach at 11a. At about 10:50 my upstairs neighbor decided to begin vacuuming and blasting music. I texted him to remind him that I do teach from home on the weekends and that I would just need a hour of silence. We are ~friends~ and he immediately responded with an apology.. so I turned my camera on and was greeted by my community. At approximately 11:04 my dog catapulted from her cocoon and erupted as she does after a loud crash came from the upstairs unit. My neighbor began calling me and left a text that read
BONG FELL OFF THE TABLE
I HAVE A FRIEND VISITING
OMG :)
Lots of birthdays in the zoom room this week. No one left, the community rejoiced, life continued. I used the day to rest and recoup. My sister called me to ask why I was missing my own dad’s surprise 60th birthday and I decided to tell her the truth. I needed to be home.
I know this was long but you’re here so really what else are you doing. I love a good story although sharing is strange and hard and I want this platform to serve as less of a journal and more of a home base for ideas and open dialogue, whether that exists just here virtually or in the real world. There were a few drafts this time around. I will credit my friend JJ this week for being my catalyst as she just joined Substack and is loving it (tres évident). I want this to be of use to absolutely everyone in need - my goal has always been to be accessible and the feedback I have received from my community has completely surpassed my expectations so for the time being I will allow for the newsletters to be open. I want my paid subscribers to know that I’m working out the kinks to give you what you need. Are we interested in more yoga - meditation, breathwork, asana recordings? Or do you care about the culture - playlists, art interests, literature and the like? Going forward I would like for this content to hang behind the paywall. I want to send these either weekly or biweekly based on demand so please reach out with requests. It’s a lot of start, stop, fuck up, sit, do it again. Trial and error… I have a teacher that always tells me to be more specific, as if what i’m relaying isn’t clear enough. I’m realizing that it’s actually the contrary - without theory our practice is flat, and without imagination, the poses are just mechanical. We have to constantly meet ourselves in the middle. So how do you have a (spiritual) practice? Practice.
Next check in will be a quick rundown of upcoming trainings and chances to practice through the year. Regular teaching schedule this week AND a fun event with my friends NOTES at Live the Process in Tribeca. Playing With Others will continue online through Katonah Yoga Center this Friday with my special guest, Krissy Jones, also known as the Beyoncé to my Hov. Lots of changes and exciting developments, I can’t wait. Thank you all!
some references
https://www.dagesjuvelierkeates.com
https://www.katonahyoga.com
https://www.skyting.com/schedule?lesson=184999-notes-intl-x-sky-ting-live-the-process
https://science.howstuffworks.com/life/cellular-microscopic/does-body-really-replace-seven-years.htm
https://www.yogapradipika.com/yoga-sutra-1-38
https://www.yogapradipika.com/yoga-sutra-34